A story by my mom's cousin Diane

(You'll have to imagine her two-packs-a-day voice and intermittent cackling.)

Hey, Joyce! Do you remember that time when I called you wanting to borrow some toilet paper? Do you remember that? Bob had to go to the bathroom, and we were out of toilet paper, so I called Joyce and asked her if I could borrow some from her. And she said, “Sure.” So I went over to Joyce’s, and she had just made some of those goddamn brownies. And she says, “Hey, do you want to have a brownie?” So I sit down and have a brownie, and we get to talking ... and pretty soon I realize, oh shit! Bob is at home on the toilet waiting on me to get the toilet paper!

So I rush home and tiptoe in -- and do you know Bob was sitting in there ASLEEP on the toilet! He was SLEEPING right there on the toilet! So I set down the toilet paper and go in the bedroom, real quietly, and put on my nightgown and get all ready for bed. And then I went in the bathroom -- after I caught my breath -- and I said, “Good God, Bob! Are you going to sit in there all night, or are you going to come to bed?” And he didn't even know I’d been gone all that time!